The Quest For the Holy Vehicle Registration

And lo, the gods did cease from pissing on me as is their custom, and instead chose to smile on me, and deliver unto me from the hands of Grizzly Adams in coveralls a Voyager of Plymouth, battle-scarred from an encounter with the road traveler's bane, the dreaded Deer of Kamikaze, but hardy and still eager for action nonetheless, and for a fair price.

And there was much rejoicing, and I arose the next morning and directly went forth in my Voyager of Plymouth (pausing only to deliver a sounding kick to its predecessor, my longtime nemesis the evil Grand Prix of Dodge) in search of the Sacred Texts that would render me Legal in the eyes of the Lawmakers in this land.

And I went down into the town, and thence to the Shop of Auto Parts, that I may purchase Bulbs of Light for the Lights of Head and the Lights of Brakes.  And thence to the House of Court, that I may fill out forms and pay my taxes and thus receive the first of the Sacred Texts that would render me Legal in the eyes of the Lawmakers in this land.  And thence to my Place of Work, where the Machine of Fax had previously received for me the second of the Sacred Texts that would render me Legal in the eyes of the Lawmakers in this land.  And thence to the Station of Inspection, where High Priests in greasy ball caps would perform a series of tests to determine my worthiness to receive the third and most important of the Sacred Texts that would render me Legal in the eyes of the Lawmakers in this land.

And the gods did chuckle and rub their hands together in anticipatory glee.

Lo, the High Priest came to me and said, "I cain't get the back hatch open to replace that brake light, is it locked or somethin'?"  And my husband said unto him, "Damned if I know, let me take a look at it."  And they went to the Garage, a dark and noisome place, and did wrestle with the Voyager of Plymouth, and spake imprecations unto it, and were defeated in the end.  And we went from there sore grieved, for we were not deemed worthy to receive the third and most important of the Sacred Texts that would render me Legal in the eyes of the Lawmakers in this land.

And my husband spoke unto me, saying, "Let's head up to the dealership, maybe they know some tricks to get this thing open."  And so we journeyed to the Dealer of Plymouth, and were met by a cheerful man who took our Voyager of Plymouth into the back room and treated it most ominously with tools and imprecations until the back hatch relented and opened, revealing the glory within.  And the cheerful man gave me a warning and said, "The lock actuator's screwed up but she'll open all right if you don't try to lock it!"  And there was much rejoicing. 

And on the journey back to the Station of Inspection a dire buzzing and clanking was heard, which filled my heart with fear.  But my husband was unafraid, and said to me, "Someone's dropped a bunch of pennies down onto the front stereo speaker!"  And I was disappointed, because I could not crank the Aerosmith, but as we came to the Station of Inspection my spirit was revived.  I entered into the place and said unto the High Priest, "Hey, we got it fixed!"  and he replied unto me, "All right!" and declared me worthy to receive the third and most important of the Sacred Texts that would render me Legal in the eyes of the Lawmakers in this land.  And directly I received this Text into my hand the Heavens opened up and choirs of Valkyries sang unto me, "Go Marli!  It's your birthday!  Go Marli!  It's your birthday!"

And we went up past the town and into the Bureau of Licensing, wherein I presented my complete collection of the Sacred Texts that would render me Legal in the eyes of the Lawmakers in this land.  And the Priestess smiled upon me, and gave unto me a Tag of Temp, to be displayed on the Voyager of Plymouth to signify that I am Worthy.

And then I took me home, and sent forth messages through the Phone of Cell and the Book of Face, preaching of the Glory of the Car that Runs.  And then I rested.